okay, so i’ve been trying to catch up on the whole “frank ocean came out the closet” biz
and i can’t help but sad cackle at the amount of reblogs from straight people who are just like “well i don’t care whether he’s gay or straight so long as he makes good music”
sorry straight people, this does not cut the mustard for being considered a good LGBT ally or even not being considered homophobic
what does cut the mustard, in my mind, for not having me side eye or read your straight ass to filth
- understand that you cannot lump the gender and sexual minority community under the phrase “homosexuals”. i’m so sick of straight people being like ” well i support the homosexuals….” yo….son….we are way more complex than that. we are individuals who like you, deserve the right to be identified the way we want to be, whether you can wrap your head around it or not. honour the way we identify ourselves or get out.
- “i don’t care whether he’s gay or straight”…..but you should care, because our sexuality and gender identities inform the way we view and experience the world. to say that you don’t care not only dismisses our unique point of view, but basically lets us know you can’t really deal with issues of sexuality or gender identity. its basically akin to saying “i don’t see race or colour”. we do not live in a post race post gender post sexuality world. sorry to break it to you.
- when we tell you something is a slur and why, accept it, remember not to say it, and move on.
- your assumptions, lack of knowledge, or what you think you know about what gender and sexual minorities do behind closed doors is not relevant to us having rights and being able to live our lives with complete safety. i am so sick of people validating same gender loving relationships between cis women above all else because that lesbian porn you watched taught you how “hot” things are under the sheets and therefore its some how “normal” and “acceptable”. our right to live discrimination free lives shouldn’t be predicated on the “hotness” perception of our sex lives.
- learn to talk about the T in LGBT, and actually do it well. start dismantling your cissexism and trans-misogyny and fast. don’t purposely misgender people. when you do it by accident apologize and ask what a person’s pronouns are. if a person doesn’t make reference to the gender they were assigned at birth as part of expressing themselves in life {and in death too} than neither should you. you honour what a person tells you to be true about themselves, nothing more nothing less.
- when it comes to ideas of slut shaming and the gender and sexual minority community, please get the fuck over yourself. i am so sick of heterosexuals only supporting what i call the puritanical gays, those who are willing to prove how acceptable they are for heterosexual consumption. or what some people have come to call homonormative. a persons choice to be homo-normative is not any more valid than a person’s choice not to be. both are equally valid ways to live, and heterosexuals needs to understand just like our sexualities and gender identities fall on a spectrum so are the ways in which we choose to live our lives
- white heterosexuals, and yes i am talking specifically to you right now- you need to stop sipping the Juicy Juice in piggybacking off the white LGBT mainstream in the amount of racism they perpetuate towards LGBT people of colour. if you consider yourself an ally but take you cues from the likes of Dan Savage, the HRC, basically any organization or single person that claims to speak for us all but really on speaks for upwardly mobile white cis gay men {and occasionally the white cis gay women} then don’t be surprised when queer brown folk show you absolutely no love in the game.
- oooo and on that note, y’all best understand the concept of intersectionality when it comes to LGBT people of color. i am so sick of you and white queers budding into conversations amongst people of color that include queer brown folk and being like “well what about the LGBT people? you’re not talking about the LGBT people”. not only do you undermine the entire conversation, you fail to understand how we choose to relay matters of intersectionality to each other. just because we don’t explicitly name it 24/7, doesn’t mean we forgot about LGBT people of color in the conversation or in general.
- second to last point when it comes to LGBT people of color- please, jesus please, dismantle your white saviour complexes when it comes to talking about the persecution of LGBT people of colour around the world. as much as many of us would like to see justice done to those living in hostile situations, it doesn’t help when people pull a kony pony for those living in Uganda or anywhere else for that matter. you are not there to “Save the ugandans” or anybody else, but STAND IN ACTUAL SOLIDARITY WITH THEM IN A WAY WHICH UPLIFTS THEIR VOICES AND ALLOWS THEM AGENCY AND AUTONOMY. IF THAT’S TOO HARD TO UNDERSTAND, THEN DROP THE CHANGE.ORG PETITION AND MOVE ON.
- last point- understand that the issues facing LGBT people of color are similar to that of white queers, however the consequences are in fact different. you need to understand the difference. you cannot assume that everything happens the same way to everybody, that the consequences are the same for everyone. our lives are not the sloppy seconds of trickle down white queer theory, so don’t treat them like that.
- don’t tokenize your relationships with one queer person in dealing with the rest of us. i guarantee you, most of us don’t care to hear about your token queer friend and how that grants you limited access to the queer world. your friend is not the kaleidoscope for all things queer.
- when being called out, saying “but i’m not a…..” is akin to waving the white flag. except the process would be far less painful if you just conceded, lay down, and took your call out like a G.
- don’t talk over us- i feel like this is mad simple, but sometimes y’all be fucking this up big time. this comes for in-group conversations, and even when you’re calling out your bigoted kinfolk. yes, we appreciate you coming to collect, but not at the expense of what we have to say
- don’t expect us to teach you. if you can use the internet to buy some of that tacky pride gear y’all wear during the month of june, then you can use it to better yourself when it comes to our issues.
- when we create safe spaces for ourselves and invite you in, you are in our space. which means you play by our rules and you don’t monopolize time, space and energy making the focus about you.
- most importantly, actually being a decent human being toward gender and sexual minorities will not earn you any cookies. don’t come looking for them. this aint queer girl scouts season. never has been and never will be
